I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize