Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
