You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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