lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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