Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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