Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize