you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
