ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
