Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
