at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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