I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
