everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
