I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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