i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
