Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
