my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
