anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I touched a dick in church today
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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