Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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