When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
where are you?
Hypothermia
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
