I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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