I met the friendliest cop last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
