I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
