I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
