Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Im part way to drunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
