she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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