I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
