ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
