I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
