Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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