I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
how does that bad decision feel?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
