Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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