And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
