sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
