no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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