When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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