Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
