you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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