There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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