***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this is an emotional support booty call
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
