the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
