Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize