the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
