Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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