grandma shit on top of the toilet
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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