dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
