Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
