my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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