i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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