im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
