He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
