Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
