Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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