So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize