dude i'm inner monologue high
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
why is half of my head shaved?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
