does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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