with your own penis?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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