so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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