He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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