fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
