lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize