It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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