Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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