Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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