Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
