You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
