ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
