woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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