is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
