is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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