what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I smell stomach acid.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
