Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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