i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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