she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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