Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
