So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
