my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
