Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
