i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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