No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
