Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
