Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
