i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Can you bring me the toilet please
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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