This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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