So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
