dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
