So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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