I need help removing her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
