did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize