I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
