woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
