i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
