i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
