I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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