Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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