She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
