Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
