Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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