John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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